Red Carpet Cafe

In case you thought that Brad and Angelina wouldn’t last forever, well think again…The same man that immortalized Britney Spears during childbirth is bringing you, “Brangelina Forever.”  I’m calling this statue, “Brangelina till that next baby comes.”  Because, I, unlike the rest of the world, am not convinced Brad and Angelina are gonna last forever.  I think that they will be together until the publicity wears off…then Angie is going for David Arquette like Shiloh to boy’s clothing.

You know how Brad and Angie are…they’re so pretentious and they act like they loathe Hollywood but secretly they buy every OK magazine with Angelina on the cover.  So of course Brad and Angelina are gonna act like this is atrocious, but really they’re gonna have it sent over to Jennifer’s place.

Who knew that on December 2, 1981 in Mississippi, the most famous woman in the world would be born?  Today, 28 years ago, Britney Jean Spears came into the world to entertain us all!!!  Happy Birthday Britney!! Mama deserves a good day, she’s been working hard…

Look at this kid, he’s like 17 and his body looks like a 37 year old.  Seriously, he’s more buff than Matthew McConaughey, and he was like born when How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days came out.  I’m still wondering if he’s been riding the round tiger aka steroids, but I’m not going to start that rumor.  Maybe when they break up, Taylor Swift will write a song about his tiny balls? Just Kidding. 

Anyway, for someone who complains about having to take off his shirt, he seems to be doing that a lot.  “Man, I hate my perfect body, I will never take my shirt off again.  Rolling Stone called? Done! When? Where?”  You can practically hear the shirt flying off with the right offers….boo hoo, woe is me.  I am more than my body, I have a brain too… whatever Taylor Lautner, you’re not a chick…get over it.

 

WTF?!  Today’s Red Carpet Ready look is Leighton Meester looking like a hot mess.  This is not a “how to” this is a mental illness.  WHY THE HELL, would she wear that God awful dress?!  Leighton Meester has really been pissing me off lately with outfits like these!  How often does Barrett brag on Leighton for her style…now she’s making daddy mad!!!

Check out Style Caster, to NOT look like this!!!

Gerard Butler says he is ready to get married, but fears the commitment.  How generic is that?  I feel like that’s every plot in a movie, sitcom and a soap opera!  I think I know why Gerard Butler is scared of marriage…because of P.S. I Love You.  That movie made uterus’s all over the world quiver.  Bitches from Hong Kong to Phoenix wanted Gerard Butler knocking them up and then sing horribly to them.

Gerard Butler blames commitment issues on his daddy (shocking).  He says he was raised completely by his mother and also said, “It’s about time. A woman by my side would be very helpful.”  I would say so Gerard!  He is 40 years old, he better get to courtin’.  I mean he’s 40, he should get married soon, his dick is going to quit working soon.

I think that he should have tried to make it work with Jennifer Aniston.  They’re about the same age, someone give that woman a child please…I want Jennifer Aniston to reproduce!