Red Carpet Cafe

Khloe Kardashian has come a long way from the beginnings of “Keeping up with the Kardashians”  Remember back when she had 2 lines at most?  A lot of viewers just thought she was part of the lighting crew or some shit…Well, those days are long gone and Khloe has married worked her way into the spotlight!!!  So much so, that she has bought a $4 million mansion in Tarzana, Ca. 

So much for the Kardashian who was checking out Britney’s house.  I guess Brit’s old digs were just too classy for Khloe, some people just aren’t cut out for private chefs and cheese grits, so onto Tarzana it is.  I’m wondering if Khloe could have afforded this house on her own.  Remember, the old Kardashian house before they took over the world?  It was basically the size of Paris’ closet, I mean that’s where Paris kicked off her corn pads, it was tiny…Now, they’re all getting honest to goodness celebrity homes and I love it. 

Khloe’s new mansion is said to have: a pool, spa, cababanas, home theater(to watch her TV show), and apparently has 7 bedrooms and 9 bathrooms.  Each bathroom has a pregnancy test installed and a medicine cabinet full of diet pills.  I say way to go Khloe, I’m glad you’re movin on up!!!

In case you thought that Brad and Angelina wouldn’t last forever, well think again…The same man that immortalized Britney Spears during childbirth is bringing you, “Brangelina Forever.”  I’m calling this statue, “Brangelina till that next baby comes.”  Because, I, unlike the rest of the world, am not convinced Brad and Angelina are gonna last forever.  I think that they will be together until the publicity wears off…then Angie is going for David Arquette like Shiloh to boy’s clothing.

You know how Brad and Angie are…they’re so pretentious and they act like they loathe Hollywood but secretly they buy every OK magazine with Angelina on the cover.  So of course Brad and Angelina are gonna act like this is atrocious, but really they’re gonna have it sent over to Jennifer’s place.

Who knew that on December 2, 1981 in Mississippi, the most famous woman in the world would be born?  Today, 28 years ago, Britney Jean Spears came into the world to entertain us all!!!  Happy Birthday Britney!! Mama deserves a good day, she’s been working hard…

Look at this kid, he’s like 17 and his body looks like a 37 year old.  Seriously, he’s more buff than Matthew McConaughey, and he was like born when How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days came out.  I’m still wondering if he’s been riding the round tiger aka steroids, but I’m not going to start that rumor.  Maybe when they break up, Taylor Swift will write a song about his tiny balls? Just Kidding. 

Anyway, for someone who complains about having to take off his shirt, he seems to be doing that a lot.  “Man, I hate my perfect body, I will never take my shirt off again.  Rolling Stone called? Done! When? Where?”  You can practically hear the shirt flying off with the right offers….boo hoo, woe is me.  I am more than my body, I have a brain too… whatever Taylor Lautner, you’re not a chick…get over it.

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WTF?!  Today’s Red Carpet Ready look is Leighton Meester looking like a hot mess.  This is not a “how to” this is a mental illness.  WHY THE HELL, would she wear that God awful dress?!  Leighton Meester has really been pissing me off lately with outfits like these!  How often does Barrett brag on Leighton for her style…now she’s making daddy mad!!!

Check out Style Caster, to NOT look like this!!!

Gerard Butler says he is ready to get married, but fears the commitment.  How generic is that?  I feel like that’s every plot in a movie, sitcom and a soap opera!  I think I know why Gerard Butler is scared of marriage…because of P.S. I Love You.  That movie made uterus’s all over the world quiver.  Bitches from Hong Kong to Phoenix wanted Gerard Butler knocking them up and then sing horribly to them.

Gerard Butler blames commitment issues on his daddy (shocking).  He says he was raised completely by his mother and also said, “It’s about time. A woman by my side would be very helpful.”  I would say so Gerard!  He is 40 years old, he better get to courtin’.  I mean he’s 40, he should get married soon, his dick is going to quit working soon.

I think that he should have tried to make it work with Jennifer Aniston.  They’re about the same age, someone give that woman a child please…I want Jennifer Aniston to reproduce!

Ryan Reynolds attends The Gotham Film Awards.-I Need My Fix

Reese Witherspoon doesn’t want you Jake Gyllenhaal, just come out already.-Dlisted

Are Jude Law and Sienna Miller back together?  Do we care?-I’m Not Obsessed

Kellan Lutz has amazing lips, too bad his lines are so short, we’d never know it.-Ten Gossip

Lady Gaga’s outfits must be too heavy, she keeps falling!-Ten Gossip

Photo: I Need My Fix

httpvhd://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rCTmaNkAU

Things have been a little busy around Red Carpet Cafe, sorry for no new posts today.  Expect a full return from Barrett tomorrow and all the commentary you can handle on the ridiculous lives of celebrities.  I heard this song on the way home though, and I am obsessing over it a little bit.  It’s Ciara’s “Work” Why wasn’t this song more popular?   I think it could totally fit into the female pop craze going on like: Rihanna, Britney, Beyonce, Gaga, this song could compete.  Let’s hope Ciara’s star gets a little brighter, Ciara is a decent girl…I’d like to see and hear more of her and a lot less of people like Lohan.

Don’t forget the Comment Contest guys!! C’mon, gimme some feedback!

OK, so this Tiger Woods getting into a car accident in the early morning hours of Friday, seem really fishy to me.  Why would Tiger Woods be speeding outta his home at 2:25 am?!  Apparently, Tiger Woods was too busy golfing to learn how to drive, he crashed into a fire hydrant and then a tree, right in front of his neighbor’s house.

Susan Jackson of the Ocoee Health Central Hospital said, “Tiger Woods was involved in a minor car accident outside his home last night and has been treated and released in good condition.”

The craziest part of it is, his wife, Elin Nordegren, came to the rescue with a golf club (ironic) to bash the window out and pull out his body.  The question is, Why was Tiger out so late? and his wife not accompanying him?  This sounds like when I was little and my dad used to tell my sister not to drive when she was pissy, because she would be emotional and get into a work.  This sounds like what could have happened with Tiger.  It’s the middle of the night, they’re arguing how to spend his millions and he storms off angry and slams into a tree.  That’s my theory.  Or could the rumors of the affair with Rachel Uchitel be true?

Anyway, I hope that Tiger is OK…I’m not a huge fan or anything, but my dad has a man crush on him…my dad wouldn’t survive if something happened to Tiger.

So suck on that crazy Australians!!!  Britney Spears has set a record in Sydney, for highest concert sales at Acer Arena.  It’s been reported that the Queen of Pop Music sold 66,247 tickets across four nights.  Beating out Coldplay’s old record by 7,000 and killing Justin Timberlake’s numbers.  How embarrassing Justin, your ex is showing you up.  Anyway, I think this proves that there’s only ONE person in the world not satisfied with the Circus Tour and YOU KNOW, it’s Christina Aguilera.